Understanding Your Cycle: What I Feel
Resources for Emotionally Focused Therapy and
Hold Me Tight® Seattle
Identifying Feelings
In Your Cycle
Feelings are the body’s physical responses when we see, hear, smell, touch, or taste something. This includes physical responses like heart rate and breathing. It also includes body sensations like tension, churning, and/or warmth. Emotions are labels for a set of body feelings. We often call emotions “feelings” because we feel them in our body.
Noticing What You Feel
Some people easily notice and experience feelings in their body. Others are largely unaware of the connection between feelings and body sensations. Regardless of which group you most identify with, the prompts below can help you discover more of what you feel and take a step toward taming the the negative cycle in your relationships.
Start by thinking of a time of conflict or disconnection and trying to recall the feelings you had at the time. (It’s ok if you didn’t notice what you felt at the time. We can recall feelings later when we remember what happened.) Then, notice what you feel now, while you think about the past event. (The same sensations that were present during the event return when we think about the details of what happened.)
Notice where you feel sensations
It can help to think of individual areas of your body one at a time. If you don’t notice any sensations at first, focus on specific areas of your body one at a time using the list below for examples. As you pay attention to your body, shift your focus back and forth between the distressing memory and an enjoyable memory and notice what changes as your focus shifts back and forth.
- Throat
- Temples
- Face
- Jaw
- Chest
- Neck
- Shoulders
- Arms
- Stomach
- Hands
- Legs
- Feet
Research has shown that noticing and describing feeling helps reduce the intensity and duration of intense emotions and helps us self-regulate. In EFT we expand on that by linking what we feel with what we do in response to the feelings as well as the cyclic impact that has on our partner and ourself. Noticing and describing what we feel in your body as well as naming the emotions connected with feelings are important steps in taming the cycle with our partner.
Describe the sensations
Once you notice where you feel the distress, start to describe what the distress feels like. Below is a list of common words for describing what you experience.
- Achy
- Clammy
- Congested
- Cool
- Cold
- Dull
- Energized
- Exploding
- Floating
- Fluttery
- Frozen
- Fuzzy
- Heavy
- Hot
- Light
- Nauseous
- Numb
- Paralyzed
- Pounding
- Pressure
- Prickly
- Shaky
- Small
- Suffocating
- Sweaty
- Tense
- Throbbing
- Tight
- Uncomfortable
- Weak
Other resources to help discover what you feel
How To Locate Them
Mike Veny shares a step he learned during his journey battling emotional dysregulation.
Identify your Emotions
Emma McAdam describes the first step toward emotional regulation: Identify your Emotions
Where Do We Physically Feel Emotions?
Rhett and Link see who is most human in where they feel their emotions.
